Friday, February 28, 2014

FLASH GORDON (Mike Hodges, 1980)

Everybody who had already seen this movie and didn't tell me about how awesome it was, i wanna punch you in the face. I could have watched this thing at least 50 times by now.

I've never read any flash gordon comics, but the plot here is vaguely the same as the mid 70's sex comedy "Flesh Gordon", so I figuire they both probably following the blueprint. So Flash Gordon is a burly pro football player with a giant chin and a great wig of 70s blond hair nicely parted 3/4 of the way across. For some reason he's on a private plane with just him and a pretty girl he doesn't know, and as he's in the middle of chatting her up, they somehow get interdimensionaly zapped into the ultra gaudy space palace of ming the merciless. And a scientist gets zapped with them too, i can't remember how that happens. And from there there's lots of getting captured by guards in insanely camp outfits and escaping and getting captured again and flying around on space jet-ski's and warring factions needing to be united and sexy space birds wanting to fuck Flash and sleazy space dudes wanting to fuck Flash's love of his life girl that he just met on the plane earlier. For what's ostensibly a kids movie, it's very sexy!

All this is performed in the finest hammy style by luminaries such as Max Von Sydow, Timothy Dalton, Brian Blessed and Topol, alongside equally hamtastic turns from such non stars as Sam Jones, Melody Anderson and Ornella Muti as Ming's horny italian space daughter.

Legend has it that producer Dino De Laurentis had his his heart set on Federico Fellini directing this thing, but Fellini said, "No". God knows what he might have done with it, but I for one am glad they let no nonsense brit Mike Hodges have at it. What he came with is that rare breed of film, a big dumb adventure movie that looks great in all the scenes in the trailer, and isn't full of dull drag derpiness throughout the rest. This is high octane low brow entertainment all the way, baby!

Of course I gotta mention the theme song by Queen too. I always liked it, but as you watch the movie and every time flash starts using his pro football skills and general herotude to SAVE EVERY ONE OF US and those stirring strains light up the soundtrack, I tell you it just about made my whole body erect.

Ex Playgirl centrefold Sam Jones apparently won a golden raspberry worst acting award for his work in the title role, but I think his style suits this peice to a T, just as i'm sure it did his many later roles in films such as My Chauffeur, Silent Assassins, Driving Force, Jane and the Lost City, American Tigers, Fist of Honor, One Man Force, White Force, In Gold We Trust, Enter the Shootfighter (the mind boggles...), Baja Run, Maximum Force, Hard Vice and Dead Sexy, as well as guest roles on such TV shows as Baywatch, Diagnosis Murder and Walker: Texas Ranger.

1 comment:

  1. Sam Jones was the lead on The Highwayman with Mark Jacko Jackson.

    My fave scene in Flash amongst many is when Dr Hans Zarkov turns on the TV to find out what is going on to be informed by the news that the only person who has any idea is Dr Hans Zarkov.